On February 2, we’ll find out whether we have six more weeks of winter or an early spring.
Yes, Groundhog Day is this Sunday, meaning Punxsutawney Phil will be forced out of hibernation, held in a Simba-like gesture to thousands of terrifying onlookers and finally make his “forecast.” No, he will not predict the Super Bowl, and no, Bill Murray won’t be there, either.
Now, I can never remember what Phil seeing his shadow or failing to do so means, although I won’t look it up because it doesn’t matter. The spring equinox consistently falls within the same two-day span each year, roughly six weeks after Groundhog Day.
In 2025, spring begins on Thursday, March 20. We don’t need to exploit a wild animal—who is averse to humans—to read a calendar.
This farce is perpetuated by the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club’s illustrious “Inner Circle,” a group of bearded, bourbon-sipping and clearly out of touch men. They wear top hats and bow ties to lend credence to this cruelty. They want to party like it’s 1887, back when the whole town would hunt and eat groundhogs for the celebration.
Phil is no longer on the menu. But there is no way of knowing just how many Phils have been discarded and replaced over the years. As a sort of slap in the face to anyone who cares, the Inner Circle claims that there’s only been one Phil; Phil will never die because he drinks the “elixir of life.” A convenient way to cover up crimes against groundhogs.
In addition to being an immortal groundhog who commands the forces of nature, Phil has also never been wrong. The instances when his prediction was proven to be untrue were due to the Inner Circle misinterpreting his message. Groundhogese can be difficult for non-native speakers, so this isn’t surprising.
All jokes aside, I have a major gripe with this tradition.
Groundhog Day’s critics will say “it’s not scientific, but it is fun.” Fun for whom exactly? Maybe the misguided people clueless enough to believe a groundhog’s fortunes, maybe for the tipsy Groundhog Club’s president manhandling the confused creature and maybe even for the kids (although, let’s face it, who on earth fondly reminisces on Groundhog Day from their youth?). It’s certainly not fun for the groundhog.
Punxsutawney Phil isn’t the only magical prognosticator of the weather—at least 28 other states boast their own weather-predicting animals. There’s Bee Cave Bob the armadillo from Katy, Texas, Stumptown Fil the beaver from the Oregon Zoo, and Leila the aardvark from New Orleans, to name a few.
There’s one common thread uniting all these beings—they’re exploited in pursuit of attention in the name of a profoundly stupid tradition.
In January 2022, New Jersey’s groundhog Milltown Mel died mere days before he was to make his prediction. The event hasn’t resumed in the years since because the town can’t find a replacement groundhog, as they’re “all in hibernation,” underscoring the sheer unnaturalness of it all.
Groundhogs are true hibernators, meaning their heart rate drops from roughly 80 to just 5 BPM and their body temperature drops from 100 degrees to as low as 37. They hibernate from late October/ early November to late February/ early March. They’re not even awake for Groundhog Day.
Punxsutawney Phil is denied the opportunity to even enter hibernation. He lives in a climate-controlled environment—a manufactured burrow at a roadside zoo. He has a viewing window so the public can stop by and gawk at him daily, the Inner Circle’s way of ensuring they can profit from him 365 days a year.
Awaking a groundhog prematurely can be detrimental, but almost all groundhogs exploited for Groundhog Day are woken prematurely.
When they’re forced awake, their body temperatures are dangerously low, and that temperature now needs to increase. Their metabolism kicks in and increases, and so does their blood flow. Such a quick uptick in these bodily functions is incredibly risky for some organs.
There’s also less food for them to eat than if they were to sleep through the winter as nature intended.
Exploiting an animal for an antiquated fable is beyond ridiculous. It’s barbaric, and the reckoning is long overdue.
Here are some groundhog facts for you to share with anyone who still supports this farce:
- Groundhogs live in intricate underground burrows. They can be as deep as 30 feet, have between two and ten entrances and they even have their own bathroom chambers.
- Groundhogs use these burrows year-round. They eventually abandon the burrows they create which serve as shelter for several other animals like foxes and rabbits.
- Groundhogs are solitary, adding insult to all the prodding that occurs on Groundhog Day, and they only mate once a year.
- Groundhogs go by many names including woodchuck and whistle pig.
- Despite only weighing 13 lbs. on average, a groundhog can consume up to a pound of food in one sitting.
- They are close relatives of squirrels. In fact, they’re the largest members of the squirrel family.